It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
