did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
