haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
