Sry I called you an 8
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
