You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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