Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
