I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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