i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
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