she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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