yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We are all done wearing pants today
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
