my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She bit a glass in half.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
