i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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