Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
