I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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