I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
