just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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