the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
