Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
