i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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