You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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