Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
