a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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