all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
they're like a gay fantastic four
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize