pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
