Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
