My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
