he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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