I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
