I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
