Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
