Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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