How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
