Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
