Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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