Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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