You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize