and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize