When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
