omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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