Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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