I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize