We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
