i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize
