How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
