You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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