4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
