mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
