She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
