HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
