Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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