captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
