Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
