Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
