I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
