HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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