my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
