look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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