Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
