addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
