Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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