Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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