well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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