Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
