I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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