Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
