ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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