I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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