theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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