what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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