I think I am morally bankrupt
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
