ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
