When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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