I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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