im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
