I smell stomach acid.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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